It's the biggest night in Hollywood, the night where several of the year's supposed best films are going to fight it out for top honors. It's been an interesting year for films, and an even more interesting year for awards, what with Argo making its way on the path of Awards Glory. But the one question always pervades: were the films that were nominated any good? Surely Hollywood is going to favor something the public won't always buy, and vice versa. Not to mention, some of these "prestige pictures" don't even make it to the wide theatrical market, and are instead consigned to indie cinemas and best picture package runs at your local theater. Well, look no further, as I've endured all 9 best pictures, and have lived to tell the tale. I've seen more French people die than I could care to remember, been cast into the seas and pitched a case to believe in God. I've been through The Civil War, both the historical and the precursive alternate historical sides, and through the mystical Bathtub to square off against ancient beasts. Also, I hunted Osama Bin Laden, saved U.S. embassy employees from Iran in the 1970's and danced with Jennifer Lawrence. But was any of it any good? Stick around and find out, as I now rank the 9 "best" pictures of 2013, starting at the bottom...