Ranking EVERY James Bond Henchman From Worst To Best

One of many big blonde baddies brought in to try and replicate the effect of Red Grant (who’ll certainly be making an appearance much later in the list), Hans is the personal bodyguard and pool attendant of Ernst Stavro Blofeld.

For such an intimidating physical presence, Hans doesn’t get to participate in much of any action; his main job is to stand around looking formidable, occasionally tending to Blofeld’s dreaded piranha tank. Few enemies manage to get close enough to attack the SPECTRE head, so naturally, Hans needs something to keep himself occupied.

It’s the climactic scenes where we really get a sense of what Hans can do, when he’s entrusted with guarding the self-destruct keys to Blofeld’s volcano base. He’s essentially positioned as an obstacle for 007 to overcome, and in that, at least, he does a bang-up job until Bond finally flings him into those green, piranha-infested waters.

Though he certainly packs a mean punch (he delivers a thunderous blow to 007’s face) he’s sadly lacking in the personality department. Hans sees himself as the strong silent type - but comes off as more of a lumbering oaf who doesn’t make a sound unless he’s being eaten by piranhas.