Ray's Oscar Round-Up

The 2010 Oscars have come and gone ... how did you do? I managed 16 correct choices out of 24 categories, which makes me the premiere Oscar prognosticator on the planet. In reality, this year's nominees and winners were fairly obvious, and there were very few surprises. The few surprises, though, were quite offensive and wrong. Biggest Snub: Where the hell was Farrah Fawcett in the "people we've lost" segment?? Could we not fit her in along with cinematographers nobody outside of Los Angeles county has ever heard of? Worst Award: Best Cinematography involves photography, so how in the world did Avatar - a film made entirely in a computer - win that?? Worst Musical Number: (tie) Neil Patrick Harris and the Movie Theme Song dancers. Love Harris, but that song sucked. Meanwhile, having dancers enact wordless theme music may have seemed like a bold idea to the gay guys in the wings, but it didn't go over that well with EVERYONE ELSE. Biggest Stick-Up-The-Ass: George Clooney. He sat there like he was waiting for an AIDS test result. Hey George, you don't need to be there. Have an Indian accept your applause while you go bang the next random arm candy in your life. He acted like he actually had a chance of winning something ... HA HA HA. Best Speech: For my money, Michael Giacchino's heartfelt speech about inspiration was just the right mix of truth and experience. Sandra Bullock's speech wasn't half bad either, which brings me to this: Worst Win For Sentimentality: Sandra Bullock was good in The Blind Side, but it was basically a made-for-television film with a classy lead performance. Meanwhile, Gabourey Sidibe unleashed raw power in Precious (a film I didn't overly like), and she deserved to win over Bullock. Besides, we will never see Sidibe in a film again unless she loses 100 lbs and learns to speak intelligibly. The award went to Bullock for sentimental reasons, and that sucks. Worst Presenter: Miley Cyrus looked massively uncomfortable in her tight topless dress, hunching over like she just finished cleaning chimneys. I guess you really can take the girl out of the sticks, but you can't take the sticks out of the girl. Yeah, I meant that in two ways. Least Welcome Oscar Presence: Taylor Lautner was there for only one reason - to make girls and gay guys swoon. I know I was swooning ... but the guy has two films to his credit, and neither one qualifies as the pinnacle of moviemaking. He is so talentless that he made Kristen Stewart involuntarily gag in front of 1.2 billion people. Nice. Worst Makeup: Sandra Bullock looked like she just rose from a coffin to accept her award. A little less pancake makeup next time, Sandy. Best Makeup: Ben Stiller in full NaVi get-up. Those contact lenses looked like they hurt. Best Tribute: I liked the horror film tribute, especially considering how much horror has done for Hollywood. It's a pity that they used clips from only four or five horror films. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin did a nice job spoofing Paranormal Activity, which deserved props considering its humongous summer box office. Best Tribute (Speech):Oprah really dazzled in her moment to honor Sidibe, who bawled her eyes out in response. It was well written and delivered, and said everything important to say. Most Confusing Idea: Having the Best Picture nominees presented throughout the telecast was fine, but the damned thing is four hours long. When Tom Hanks waltzed onstage and simply blurted out the winner, I had almost forgotten the nominees. It might have been helpful to recap for us drunkards in the audience. Poorest Use Of Podium Time: Richard O'Barry is doing some good work trying to save the lives of defenseless dolphins, but it was ugly to see him raise a sign that promotes a text number that makes him money. I donated some money myself when I saw the film, and that's how he should promote that charity - by moving people with the film, not pimping it at the Oscars. Best Sport: Meryl Streep was the butt of approximately 40 jokes tonight, and she responded by throwing her head back and laughing joyously every time. She seemed like she was having a blast. Meryl, could you please go over and show Clooney how to do it? Biggest Kick To The Balls: Quentin Tarantino crafted a film that many people thought should win at least best original screenplay and possibly cinematography, yet he went home empty-handed. Is Hollywood trying to tell Tarantino's titanic ego something? Like, perhaps, calling your own film a "masterpiece" is sure to bring retribution? Best Host: I thought both Martin and Baldwin did nice jobs, but Baldwin seemed a bit stiff and nervous. Meanwhile, Martin seemed almost senile at times. I give the edge to Martin for some snappy one-liners. Overall, it was a better Oscar telecast than I've seen in years. It was brisker (it is the Oscars, after all) and more fun than in previous years. For the most part the right choices won the right awards (except for cinematography ... c'mon ...), and the event was mostly a classy, fun affair. What did you think?