Simon goes to the LAND OF THE LOST

How are we to classify this movie? A lot of the publicity would have you believe it is standard kid's fare- holiday fun, but there is a surprising amount of adult material, from Ferrell's Rick Marshall mouthing "Fuck You" to another character, to the perpetual smut that comes out of Danny Mcbride's mouth, there is too much filth and blue language to really allow its classification as a family film. So, is it a nostalgia piece? The originial TV show was hardly a classic, but is remembered pretty fondly in certain circles, and the movie obviously seeks to retain a certain amount of the B-Movie feel (despite costing a disgusting $100m to make), with the retro sets, and the whole ambience of the piece. Admittedly it is a nostalgic piece that has been highjaked by modernity- the juxtaposition of this curious retro world, and the ultra-modern characters, who are as alien to it as the stretch Hummer that also finds itself marooned there is obviously supposed to be an intertextual nod towards not only fans of the original series, but also to those of us who recognise that that particular brand of sci-fi show no longer exists. There is supposed to be humour in there as well, but it was all a little too crass and awkward, and ended up working against the clever ideas that were hidden away amongst it: I did break a smile at the sight of the Sleestak- possibly the worst looking, Star Trek style baddies since William Shatner was bonking blue ladies, who actually look a lot like the goombahs from Bob Hoskins'SuperMario Bros, but they werent as funny as the film-makers obviously thought. If it was a family film, there are better ones out there, and I would advise keeping it away from the more impressionable of kids, as theyre likely to think random swearing is to be encouraged, and if it's supposed to be a self-referential nostalgic piece, it doesnt live up to the higher standards offered by B-Movie riff Mars Attacks! Either way, it's inconsistency of tone is its unmaking (among other things), and the movie ends up suffering a crisis of identity. Will Ferrell will forever suffer for the comparison that everyone watching his movies inevitably draws with his stirling work on Anchorman- the only time he has been able to move away from the considerable shadow cast by Ron Burgundy was with his underrated work on Stranger Than Fiction, which coincidentally is the only time he has moved away from Burgundy-style material. Whether its overt machoism mixed with immasculating inadequacies (Step Brothers, the sports comedies) or oost-modern-sexist soundbites (anything and everything he has been in) most of Ferrell's characters owe some of their heritage to the man with the luxurious moustache and fine taylored suits. So it isnt really that much of a surprise that Ferrell has chosen to again follow the familiar pattern, in the hope of striking it lucky- donning his moron hat and hoping for the best. Another of the triumverate of lead actors on show- Danny Mcbride- is supposedly one of the hottest properties in Hollywood comedy, but I am yet to see anything even approaching good potential- instead, Mcbride seems happy to be Jack Black's poorer, smuttier comic sibling. He is better here than in anything I have so far seen him playing a major part in (his cameo in Observe & Report is actually funny) but that isnt praising him- he seems another one destined to play the same character over and over again without ever stretching himself. I have to confess I am very much not a fan of green or blue-screen movies, I thought Mutant Chronicles was unwatchable thanks to its decision to use too much blue-screen, and The Chronicles Of Riddick paled into insignificance next to its prequel , and that wasnt even a particulary good movie in itself. Even The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus, which I loved, and which necessarily had the obligatory Gilliam fantasy passages suffered when it went into the CGI realm. I just dont think that it is done well enough, and the results remain cartoonish and lacking soul, especially in Land of the Lost- the greatest indictment of my feelings being that $100m couldnt rescue the CGI on show from looking amatuerish in places, and uncompelling for the rest (apart from the dinosaurs, which obviously gobbled up most of the budget). I also hate unfailingly chipper characters in any film- and Anna Friel's falls firmly under that banner- she also suffers from wandering accent syndrome and manages to sound like she comes from about six different regions of England during her screen-time, while reciting lines that are hideously poor (like an unfortunate amount of the script in fact). And then there's the preposterous development that her few weeks working with monkeys allows her to converse with a alternate reality simian-human is just too much. It's another one of those wierd moments that the film is peppered with that make it one of the most bizarre viewing experiences of a long time, and definitely not the way to recuping even a small fraction of the money it cost to make. Oh, and a note about needless comic relief: Danny Mcbride is one thing, but having a cynically included animal character who is only there to gather a few brainless laughs is entirely another. Chaka, the primate style local who accompanies the three lost souls on their quest is one such creature, whose soul objective is to encourage not just laughter, but insane laughter with his shameless zany buffoonery (including a bizarre moment when he commands the ability to sing in unbroken English to join the impromptu rendition of "I Hope I Get It" from A Chorus Line- and that isnt even the wierdest part of that segment, believe me). But the single most disturbing thing about this monkeyed-up fella, is that he looks frighteningly like Ben Stiller. If this is what the Hollywood Summer Blockbuster has come to, I suggest we close the whole thing down and start again. Without the vastly inflated budgets, and hopefully without a "Star" driving it- just good old fashioned accomplished cinema please- I think we deserve it after this. Land of the Lost will be released on DVD and BluRay on November 23rd.