7. Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones
Yup, that's right. The worst Star Wars movie isn't the one so often crucified, but its successor. In the aftermath of the greatest disappointment of our time, Attack Of The Clones snuck in with an "Oh well, it must be better" sentiment without really doing anything to earn it. Now I don't hate Episode II (in fact, I'm in the rather enviable position of actually enjoying all seven of the main Star Wars films) - it's an average movie that really goes in for George Lucas' rhyming structure while also twisting it on its head (its plot is both a mirror and a reversal of The Empire Strikes Back) and offers up a real taste of what the age of the Jedi actually looked like - bemoan excessive lightsaber fighting all you want, but seeing 200 sabers ignited all at once in that arena is childhood dreams realised. The thing is that any solid moment - the Blade Runner-inspired Coruscant, Anakin killing the Tusken Raiders, pretty much all of Obi-Wan going detective - is directly juxtaposed by something misjudged - Anakin and Padmé's wearisome flirting, Ani's post-massacre breakdown and the shoehorning in of the Fett dynasty into wider Galactic politics. The Phantom Menace may go for some odd plot directions thanks to being set-up, but it's Clones that doesn't fully hang together as a fully fledged movie. In fact, this feels a lot more formulaic than Menace, with each scene having a singular, obvious purpose that is either intended to build story
or character, but never both. The film repeatedly stops dead to have a bit of character discussion or, more commonly, hamfisted romance, while action scenes are dominated by lots of undeveloped, one-shot action beats, rather than extensive set-pieces. The heart of the problem with Lucas' direction appears to be that defining facet of the prequels; CGI. Clones relies on computer generated effects much moreso than the practically-minded Menace, despite them not being up to level needed for the plethora of blue screened backdrops and fully-CGI characters to feel real. This further informs George's structure of scenes, with him focusing on the effects and limiting actors to string puppets. What hope did Hayden Christensen have?