The Best Worst Movies By Decade
The Best Worst Movie of the '80s: Troll 2 (1989)
Where to begin? Well, first of all, the movie is called Troll 2, and a) it has nothing to do with the original Troll (which, incidentally, introduced a pre-Seinfeld Julia Louis-Dreyfus), and b) there aren't any trolls in it; they're called "goblins." And they come from a town called "Nilbog" ("goblin" spelled backwards get it?). And they like to eat people.
But the only problem is, they're vegetarians, so they have to first turn people into this leafy, green goop before they can eat them. Confused yet? I haven't even started to list this movie's logic problems, like the fact that a character swears to his girlfriend that he'll join her family for a vacation, and then in the next scene, he doesn't show up without any phone call or explanation.
Instead, he chases the car of his girlfriend's family in a trailer with a bunch of his friends because they're "looking for girls." Then, of course, the main character's dead grandpa keeps appearing and reappearing to warn him of the goblins. How he knows about them is anyone's guess. Perhaps he met them in hell, as Grandpa Seth actually admits at the end of the movie he knows a thing or two about that unfortunate place of eternal damnation, since he once "visited (his) friend there." And I haven't even mentioned the infamous popcorn sex scene, but I don't want to give everything away.
Finally, who could forget the classic, nonsensical dialogue? After the daughter knees her boyfriend in the nuts, he replies, "What're you tryin' to do? Turn me into a homo?", or when the father admonishes his son for (literally) peeing on their dinner: "You can't p*ss on hospitality! I won't allow it!"
Years later, Michael Stephenson, the child star of the film, made a documentary about this movie titled, appropriately enough, Best Worst Movie. He wasn't wrong. Note: Though this movie technically came out in 1990, it was made in 1989, and the release date was bumped, so I'm counting it as an '80s movie. Besides, the Michael Keaton Batman poster in the kid's bedroom is a dead giveaway.