These Movie Product Placements SUCK!

When shooting Casino Royale, Daniel Craig aka The Blondiest Bondiest Bond to ever exist, spoke to news outlets about how "brand synergy" was going to be a big part of the franchise going forward, and you know what? He bloody meant it. From the moment that the film stopped being an action spectacle and more an Omega watch advert, it was clear that going forward we were going to see a lot more brands in Bond.

Yet as crawling as this plug was, it was far from the worst, as product placement has stunk up the joint as far back as anyone can remember aka the late 1970s, and countless films the world over have shaken hands with the devil in order to push their products to the front and center.

There are times where such features have been done in brilliantly clever ways, such as Wayne's world telling us they would never "bow to corporate sponsors" while doing just that, but the films we're covering today were such the opposite of self-aware that it somewhat explains their braindead shilling.

Explains. Not excuses.

You know when someone tells you a pretty horrible story about how they hurt themselves and suddenly that area of your own body begins to tingle as if it's getting sympathy pains? Well instead of a horror story about my friend Tim smashing his two front teeth out skating making my own gums shiver, The fourth Transformers film Age of Extinction has my entire skeleton invert due to cringe overload thanks to its abysmal product placement.

The series has been a bit of a running joke. Sorry, I meant to say, the series has been a bit of a running joke. Why do I keep pausing there. The series has been a bit of a running joke....when it comes to its product placements. Across all of the films, egregious shots of car manufacturers, tech products, and of course food sponsorships litter the screen, in fact, each film on average held about 45 different brand placements, making for a film franchise that was essentially just one long advert.

Yet the cream of the crap has to be in Transformers 4 where Stanley Tucci's generically evil billionaire shows us the POWAH of "Transformium" (clearly another material dug up alongside Unobtanium from the "writing is really hard" mine). Here he explains that the material can transform into whatever a person desires, and then shows all the audience what they too should desire, THE NEW PILL SPEAKER BY BEATS, complete with such an extreme close up that it feels like this pill is being force-fed down our throats while a voice goes "sshhh shhh...just buy it you filthy stupid pig"

Thankfully the next item he conjures up is a gun which I assume was the one scriptwriter with any sense left screaming out for help from beyond the nether.

Of course, it's not the only scene in Transformers 4 which is dripping with oily product placement as in a later battle, Mark Wahlberg comes crashing through the city taking out several cars in the process. one of which being a Bud Light truck. Oh no! Don't destroy all that weak as piss beer! We Brits need that for our designated drivers to drink! Don't worry though because the visually highlighted truck only gets its back smashed a little bit, it's brand clearly protecting the rest of the vehicle, but it does spill the goods all over the street which the camera takes very keen interest in, panning over a tonne of bottles and not, I don't know, the actual destruction of the city going on around it.

Still, in a rather funny moment, Marky Mark grows frustrated at a NERD IN GLASSES, grabs a bottle, and takes a swig from it. We're not sure what point he was proving by taking such a short swig before throwing the bottle down but it does seem rather humorous that it gives off the impression that Wahlberg couldn't stomach any more of the stuff.