These Superhero Films SUCK!

Now I know some of you might not consider The Mask to be a superhero, but you have to admit that he most definitely ticks all the right boxes.

Powers beyond that of a normal person? Check. Ridiculous villains hamming it up to charcuterie levels? Check? A loud-ass suit that would immediately draw enough attention for anyone to be able to spot them retreating to their lairs and instantly find out who they are? Oh you best believe that's a check.

Yet you know what ticks all the wrong boxes when it comes to things like writing, character development, CGI implementation, and common human decency? The Son Of The Mask Film, which, if we're accepting is itself a superhero film of sorts is easily one of the worst things I've ever seen.

So in order to get into the right mindset for this film, you basically need to take every character, every funny moment, and any creatively fresh idea and bin them off entirely. Then you need to chuck Morph in a microwave for about ten minutes and then smear the liquid hot mess all over your face so it blisters, bulges, and then sets in horrific ways, and then, this is the key part, you need to take one of those old school typewrites and drop it onto your head so so that you detach your own retinas.

Then you'll be ready to see the horrors I've seen.

I cannot stress how utterly disgusting the animation in this film is, both being so nightmarishly stretchy and burrowing deep into the uncanny valley at the same time, and it's made all the worse when each and every CGI abomination is forced into the viewer's faces. I don't know if this film was planned to be 3D but you won't need those glasses what with all the fisheye shots of these green monstrosities forcing their way through the screen.

The tone of the project is equally obnoxious, swinging wildly towards being family-friendly enough to draw kids in to see it, but scarring them for life with horrible messages about pissing babies, nightmare children, and of course parents who genuinely act like they don't want their own offspring.

It's the type of film that is so needlessly cruel at splitting apart the family dynamic that a price of admission might as well come with emancipation papers, and it tries to play these mean-spirited moments off as jokes to the point where it feels like watching an episode of Black Mirror in places. It feels like a hit piece against having kids yet marketed directly to them. Harsh.