15. Behind Convent Walls (1978)
This film deals with some seriously dodgy behaviour which is going on in a convent. The confessor of a convent full of nuns hears such pervy confessions he urges the Mother Superior to clamp down. There is heterosexual and lesbian sex, as well as plenty of sex toys. A deranged novice poisons herself and several others in yet more clerical scandal. Directed by noted arthouse 'Before he sank into the gutter' director Walerian Borowczyk The movie is beautifully filmed but just because it's Walerian, the piece does not get away without having the nunsploitation tag. There are shots of nuns lying around naked or in their scanties. A nun masturbates with a wooden dildo representation of Jesus. This is prurient material and it looks like Borowczyk is getting the ladies to act out his sexual fantasies. However, it is top drawer nunsploitation - a cut above the rest.
14. La bete (1975)
An impending marriage at a nice big French chateau is all going marvellously until the 'beast' of the title makes an appearance and it's bestiality a go go. Walerian Borowczyk directs another arthouse/ sleaze fest which caused quite a bit of controversy in its day and was banned in its native France. There is huge horse penises, masturbation with a rose, masses of ejaculate smeared over bare breasts, naughty clerical goings on and of course the titular Beast with his enormous schlong - it makes John Holmes's look like a little wiener. If you like kinky, arty goings on the way I do, tremendous fun is to be had in this film. If you are easily shocked, I'm afraid this aint the one for you.
13. Vampyros Lesbos (1971)
"Linda! Linda! Ich rufe dich!". Yes there are vampires and they are lesbians. A ho hum plot by Franco is greatly enlivened by the presence of the gorgeous Soledad Miranda as the vampire who gets inside Linda's (Eva Stromberg) head and nearly drives her to madness before seducing her. I must say that Vampyros Lesbos is rightly celebrated by many fans for its hyper-groovy soundtrack 'The Sexadelic Dance Party'. I have a copy of this and it is one of the most divine soundtracks I have ever heard. It is used to great effect in the film with Soledad Miranda doing a piece of erotic performance art with a mannequin at the beginning. This is just sublime. In fact the only reasons to recommend Vampyros Lesbos are Soledad Miranda's performance art and the soundtrack.
12. Violence in a Women's Prison (1982)
Ahhhh director Bruno Mattei! He was bound to turn up on this list sooner or later - being quite possibly the trashiest Euro director of them all (and I don't mean that in a good way). This time he has pilfered 'black' Emanuelle - the delectable Laura Gemser from Joe D'Amato - and shoved her into a women's prison to undercover the salacious antics of the prisoners and the harsh and corrupt regime they are subject to. Full of the usual WIP (Women in Prison) motifs - big butch nasty wardens, lesbianism, sadistic punishments - the film is memorable for two scenes. The torture by rat sequence and the poo flinging sequence. The latter is one of the must disgusting/hilarious things I have ever witnessed in a WIP. Basically an inmate throws a bucket of poo over another inmate and they start fighting - rolling around on a poo filled floor. And others join in! Yay! Let's have a poo fight! But apart from that, utterly unmemorable, even with the presence of Laura Gemser.
11. SS Experiment Camp (1976)
Directed by Italian hack Sergio Garrone, SS Experiment Camp has finally been released on DVD in Britain. Now people can see what all the fuss and panic about the damn thing was for 30 years. Nada. Rien. Nichts. This is surely the lamest of the entries in the Nazisploitation genre. The concentration camp looks like a rundown Butlins and everyone acts as if they are on an adventure holiday. The basic dopey premise is that a bunch of women have been teamed up with the fittest Aryan Nazi soldiers to perform sex experiments to see who is the best man. The camp boss had his balls bitten off whilst he was raping and pillaging in Poland and covets the gonads of the best soldier for a testicular implant. When the implant takes place, the silly soldier doesn't realise his knackers have been chopped off until he tries to shag his girlfriend. "What have you done to my balls you bastards?!" he shrieks. Then there's a fight and everyone dies. Yes, it is that lame. But it is very funny. In fact I might put it on now for a giggle... Go forth and buy your legal copies now my friend.