TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN Part 1 Review - Dramatically Inert & Painfully Dull
The occasionally amusing Twilight Saga finds a new low with the dramatically inert, painfully dull Breaking Dawn Part 1.
rating: 1.5
Critic proof is a term used both commonly and deservedly to refer to film franchises with a fanbase of such passionate devotion that the very practice of reviewing said films becomes less an exercise in advising the masses and more one in selective deconstruction. While Christopher Nolans Batman films benefit from being both commercially viable fanboy fodder and outstanding critical achievements in their own right, the same cannot be said for the bafflingly inconsistent adaptations of Stephenie Meyers Twilight novels. The final book, Breaking Dawn, an excursion so apparently epic it needed to be split across two films, has talented director Bill Condon at the mercy of Meyers insipid Conservative, Christian allegory this time around, and the results are easily the most rickety and soul-erodingly banal that the shaky series has yet put to celluloid. Centered rather collectively on the marriage between vampiric Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and his mortal bride, Bella (Kristen Stewart), we follow the big day through to their first sexual encounter, an unexpected pregnancy, and then the inevitable resulting feud between the vampire clan and the werewolf clan, represented rather sheepishly by lycanthrope Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). Breaking Dawn Part 1 regrettably falls into the same trap as what was until now the worst entry in the film series, New Moon; bereft of the self-aware mockery that made Eclipse a surprisingly entertaining if ditzy hoot, this is a punishingly straight-faced, achingly self-serious distillation of Meyers novel, replete with the deafeningly unsubtle Christian themes forced down the viewers throat all at the same time. The little amusement generated is typically unintentional; try not to chortle as Lautners Jacob lasts all but five seconds of screen time before heroically ripping his shirt away and sprinting off, or an awkwardly surreal, B-movie-esque nightmare sequence in which Bella envisions herself standing atop a pile of dead wedding guests. Worst - and funniest - of all is a mid-film sequence in which the werewolves fight each other for dominance, while the counterpart human actors voice their various wolf characters, temporarily making things feel like a particularly ropey straight-to-video Disney film.
Dramatically, the problem is one inherent in Meyers novel if this film is anything to go by; the films first half is almost entirely devoid of palpable suspense, instead serving as a travelogue video souvenir of Edward and Bellas wedding weekend, at least authentically-acted enough that it might as well have been a vacation video taken by R-Patz and K-Stew themselves. Twi-hards might get a kick out of it, but going in fresh, its positively unrewarding, and undermines the lustful frisson that characterised the first three films. In a way, it is accurately reflecting the post-marital slump, I suppose. Stylistically, theres little here to indicate director Condons talent; shot with the straight-to-video tack that has plagued each installment up to now, its also stymied by the same poor visual effects work (which reduces the werewolf-vampire battles to blurry, scarcely comprehendible messes), ham-fisted dialogue and dopey supporting performances. Stewart is reliably decent and almost certainly aware she is capable of better once the series lets out, while Pattinson is once again laughable as a romantic lead and Lautner, the more believable of the two, is not blessed with enough acting talent to make his mildly intriguing character arc at all compelling to watch. 
When tension finally ratchets up for the finale, its ultimately too little, too late; the stakes are crushingly low until the last minute, and the constant bickering between the supporting characters debating whether Bellas unborn child is in fact a baby or a fetus casts a long, politically-slanted shadow over proceedings. Also, the characters constantly referring to the baby as he is shoddy misdirection at best, pointless for those who have read the book likely a good two-thirds of the audience and still poorly telegraphed for anyone else. Again, while those invested enough in the paperback version to go see the film might find it a solid entertainment, its a tiresome bore when its not accidentally funny on occasion for most everyone else. Much like the recent Harry Potter conclusion, the split-film finale is promptly revealed as a crass money-making measure rather than an artistic necessity. The occasionally amusing Twilight Saga finds a new low with the dramatically inert, painfully dull Breaking Dawn Part 1. 
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 is in cinema's now.