9. Ozzy Osbourne Becomes Batman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeuW4Smf9PI Ozzy Osbourne - metal legend, MTV personality and all-around mad bugger - has had some totally rotten luck with his perception in the public eye. He's been demonised by right wing Christians and televangelists, he's spent time locked up at Her Majesty's Leisure, he's been blamed for teen suicides, he once (accidentally) even took a leak on the Alamo. Actually, the conservatives might have a point about him being a bad role model for kids. Mind you, he did write Mr Crowley, so in the eyes of his fans he can do whatever he likes. And bless his muddled head, he always does. In the early 80's, after bring fired from singing in Black Sabbath, Ozzy had paired up with Randy Rhoads and was revelling in solo success, with monster albums Blizzard Of Ozz and Diary Of A Madman. Already famed as a loose cannon, his live show featured him running about like a shirtless Bugs Bunny on crystal meth, throwing raw meat into the audience and biting the heads off of rubber bats. We can only imagine he went off that trick one night in Des Moines, Iowa in 1982 when a live bat was thrown onto the stage by someone in the audience, and Ozzy - drugged up cabbage that he is - bit its head off thinking it was another rubber one. He then reported immediately feeling "a warm, gloopy liquid filling his mouth, with the worst aftertaste you can imagine, staining teeth and running down chin." Lovely. So, 42 years, 10 albums and a tetanus shot later, Ozzy Osbourne will forever be known to the general public as "That Loony Who Bit A Bats Head Off". His adoring fans know that it was an innocent mistake, and the man born in Birmingham as John Michael Osbourne does not deliberately bite the heads off of innocent animals.* * = does not apply to doves in meetings with record executives.
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Stephen Maher has been a rock star, a bouncer, a banker and a busker on various streets in various countries. He's hung out with Robert Plant, he was at Nelson Mandela's birthday and he's swapped stories with prostitutes and crack addicts. He once performed at a Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras by accident. These days, he passes the time by writing about music, wrestling, games and other forms of nerdery. And he rarely drinks the blood of the innocent.
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