2. As The World Turns (Second Verse) The Slim Shady LP
This imaginatively sadistic and gleefully offensive micro-story could go indefinitely awry in the wrong hands; its Eminems pure conviction, his investment in each line, rhyme and lyrical stroke that keeps this verse of SSLP highlight As the World Turns fully afloat. The bars are crafted to precision and the downbeat opening is almost akin to an old kitchen-sink drama - the image of a man loitering in a laundrette looking for cheap overweight females to whisk away for pizza and involuntary sex is a bleak and grounded beginning to a believable story which very rapidly turns into an absurd horrorcore-gone-wrong battle of wits, ultimately ending with what he was aiming for all along. A rampantly funny exercise in post-surrealism, Slim Shady-style, that probably isnt one for the easily offended, this verse is a perfect showcase of Eminems tight and rude storytelling.
We drive around in million dollar sports cars While little kids hide this tape from their parents like bad report cards Outsiders, and we sue in the courts Cause we dope as f*ck and only get a two in the Source Hypochondriac, hanging out at the Laundromat Where all the raunchy fat white trashy blondes be at Dressed like a sailor, standin' by a pail of garbage It's almost dark and I'm still tryna nail a trailer park bitch I met a slut and said "What up? It's nice to meet ya I'd like to treat you to a Faygo and a slice of pizza But I'm broke as f*ck and I don't get paid 'til the first of next month But if you would care to join me, I was about to roll this next blunt But I ain't got no weed, no Phillies, or no papers Plus I'm a rapist and a repeated prison escapist So give me all your money and don't try nothing funny Cause you know your stinking ass is too fat to try to outrun me" I went to grab my gun, that's when her ass put it on me With an uppercut and hit me with a basket of laundry I fell through the glass doors, started causing a scene Slid across the floor and flew right into a washing machine Jumped up with a broken back Thank God I was smokin' crack all day and doped up on coke and smack All I wanted to do was rape the bitch and snatch her purse Now I wanna kill her but yo, I gotta catch her first Ran through Rally's parkin' lot and took a shortcut Saw the house she ran up in and shot her fuckin' porch up Kicked the door down to murder this divorced slut Looked around the room that's when I seen her bedroom door shut I know you're in there b*tch, I got my gun cocked You might as well come out now, she said "Come in, it's unlocked I walked in and all I smelled was Liz Claiborne And seen her spread across the bed naked watchin' gay porn She said "Come here big boy, let's get acquainted" I turned around to run, twisted my ankle and sprained it She came at me at full speed, nothing could stop her I shot her five times and every bullet bounced off her I started to beg "No, please let go" But she swallowed my f*ckin' leg whole like an egg roll With one leg left, now I'm hoppin' around crippled I grabbed my pocket knife and sliced off her right nipple Just tryna buy me some time then I remembered this magic trick Duh-dah-duh-dah-duh-duh, go-go gadget d*ck Whipped that s**t out, and ain't no doubt about it It hit the ground and caused an earthquake and power outage I shouted, now b*tch, let's see who gets the best Stuffed that s**t in crooked and f*cked that fat slut to death (Come here b*tch, come here, take this mothaf*ckin' d*ck b*tch, come here)
A mythical hedonist, a chronic solipsist, a poet armed with a mouth full of adjectives, a brain full of adverbs and a box full of laxatives. Writing words in a language that isn't real to impress people that I invented since The Big Bang.
