10 Foolproof Steps To Failing Your New Year's Resolutions

2. The Token Restart

Unfortunately, while the choice was an easy one, there's only so much gravy you can ingest before you start to feel guilty again. Plus, that gym membership was expensive, and you had to sign up for six months if you were going to sign up at all. With the money burning in your pocket and the chicken grease burning in your veins, you launch back into doomed fitness regimen. Similarly, if you rock back up at the class/music lessons you abandoned, you're going to get a lot of dirty looks. But as those chaps from The Charge Of The Light Brigade will tell you, blindly rushing the objective isn't something to be advised. And unlike those guys, no-one's going to immortalise your battle with apathy in stirring, immortal poetry. If anything, it's even more ill-thought-out than first time around €“ sure, at that point you were unfit/unready, but your time off has seen you go further down the rabbit hole. You've put on an extra half-stone, or space in your mind-palace has been taken up by a new TV show €“ Brooklyn Nine-Nine looks pretty cool, after all. So, when you rouse yourself for one last hurrah, it's not going to be pretty. In fact, you'd be amazed by how badly you can fail in such a short time. Where once you were mediocre, you're now embarrassingly poor. The gym folk won't let you on the treadmills without a helmet, and you're in a league of your own at your chosen mental pursuit. However, that league's so far below your classmates that you're like the Jules Verne of stupidity, and the teacher tends to leave you in a corner to concentrate on your wrongness. So you retire once more, safe in the knowledge you suck, and nothing will ever change that.