9. Resolving To Not Suck
It may sound as if I was being harsh in that last point, saying you suck. Clearly, I've no right to do that I'm just an internet commentator, not your mother. And you know what? You're right. After all, who am I to judge? My life isn't perfect the best compliment I've ever been paid is that I'm 'deceptively athletic,' which took second place in the back-handing awards behind 'you sure bounce high on that trampoline.' I'm only doing this because I too know the sting of the failed New Year's resolution, and I want you to avoid the same fate. But what is a New Year's resolution? Put simply, it's setting yourself some sort of goal, and giving yourself a year to do it. Unfortunately there's an inherent flaw in that plot: because you're thigh-slappingly drunk on the eve of January 1st, you think a year's a really long time. Spoiler: it isn't. Still, you don't know that yet, so you make an appropriately grand resolution. You'll shift 40 pounds. You'll learn a new language. You'll take up a hobby that doesn't involve yelling abuse down your headset at 13-year-old boys. Hell, you might even decide to give up drinking. I'm not the boss of you. Either way up, there's a big, concrete plan afoot, and you're going to win this year.
Edward Owen
Contributor
Durham University graduate and qualified sports journalist. Very good at sitting down and watching things. Can multi-task this with playing computer games. Football Manager addict who has taken Shrewsbury Town to the summit of the Premier League.
You can follow me at @Ed_OwenUK, if you like ramblings about Newcastle United and A Place in the Sun. If you don't, I don't know what I can do for you.
See more from
Edward