Beyonce and Jay-Z daughter is named Blue Ivy which, of course, stands for Born Living Under Evil, Illuminati's Very Youngest. Yep, the real nefarious truth of the young Carter is that she has been born into a Satanic dynasty that rules the world primarily through pop music. No, not SyCo, the Illuminati. Traditionally depicted as a secret group that run pretty much everything, hoping to achieve their dream of a New World Order, where the Illuminati was once a straight-up anti-semitic conspiracy theory, it has recently broadened its remit to encompass everyone from Barack Obama to Lindsay Lohan to Beyonce, Kanye West, Jay-Z and Rihanna. To be honest, there aren't many people that haven't been identified as members of the Illuminati at this point, which leads me to believe that perhaps a conspiracy that includes more people than it excludes isn't really a conspiracy at all. Still, the accusations persist: look at the YouTube comments to any music video by the people mentioned above and they're riddled with nutjobs claiming that Jay-Z's iconic "diamond" sign is actually the Freemason-derived Illuminati pyramid symbol (as seen on dollar bills), that the "Princess of the Illuminati" headline that flashes briefly on-screen during Rihanna's S&M video isn't a joke, and that Justin Bieber's star-covered shirts are actually depicting pentagrams. Justin Bieber? Wielding control over a large portion of the world's population? Actually, they may have a point... The pop cultural Illuminati is sort of peak conspiracy theory in the modern era. It encompasses pretty much anyone and everyone who has ever been in the public eye, includes faked deaths, babies, doppelgangers, secret codes and symbols waiting to be cracked, Satanic rituals, Lady Gaga...oh and obviously none of it holds together at all. That's what they told me to say, and I stick by it.
Tom Baker is the Comics Editor at WhatCulture! He's heard all the Doctor Who jokes, but not many about Randall and Hopkirk. He also blogs at http://communibearsilostate.wordpress.com/
