10 Most Hilarious Amazon Reviews Ever
Reviewed by Y.R. Wu: Having recently moved into an up scale manufactured housing facility thanks to the luck conveyed upon me by my Three Wolf Moon t-shirt's, I stumbled upon the Zubaz pants here at Amazon and decided that these would complement the crisp, confident, and rugged image conveyed by the T-shirt.
Black Zebra naturally, as these are the sartorial equivalent of the red power tie or a navy blazer with bright buttons. My buddy has an original pair that I always admired. I should warn that in direct sunlight the high contrast pattern of these pants, if viewed directly, can cause dizziness and disorientation. Thats why I keep my Oakley Blades on a leash around my neck, just in case.
I had just returned to my humble abode from the Pheresis donation centre when the UPS driver pulled up with my package. Realizing what was being delivered I grabbed the box, thanked the driver and mostly ran up the five steps to my double wide.
Hopping on one foot while trying to get my acid washed jeans over my boots, I simultaneously opened the box with what pass for my teeth. As I pulled the silky polyester over my legs I was simultaneously struck by a sense of awe and wonder. Thats when I fell over and nearly knocked myself out on the rear projection television in the living room.
In hindsight I should have realized that this was the first sign of trouble.
After putting the pants on and admiring them for a few hours, I went down to the Wal-Mart to get some scratch and wins. I went over to Arbys and smoked half a pack of Marlboro Light Menthols down to the filter while I went carefully through the lottery tickets, rubbing each one on the Moon for luck. After 25 tickets, I hadn't even won $2!!!!!
Perhaps it was the nicotine, perhaps it was the sheer awesomeness of my attire which overwhelmed me, but I didn't realize that this was another sign that things were not altogether correct.
In the next 48 hours I misplaced my keys, lost my job at Waffle House, was rejected by four women I tried to pick up, chipped my remaining front tooth when I botched a flying roundhouse kick breaking up a fight at the roadhouse, and even spilled ketchup on my Wolf Moon shirt while eating a chilli-dog.
To add insult to injury, someone keyed my Camaro. Three days later I found myself face down in a puddle of my own sick, choking back the tears of a wasted youth.
I dont know how to explain it but the awesome factor of the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt is not in fact multiplied by the Zubaz pants. Its like Cold Fusion once you bring two multifarious confidence and testosterone factors into play, the inverse coalition of chronological extremes depolarizes the original fulcrum.
That is to say, not only do they cancel each other out, youre screwed.
I've burned the pants, bought another Three Wolf Moon T-shirt and even tried the Breakthrough Wolf t-shirt.
Nothing has restored my Mojo.
Upon quiet reflection I've come to accept my fate. Dont let this happen to you!