2. When A Sex Scene Comes On A Film You're Watching With Your Parents
Whichever unfortunate soul ever watched Titanic with their Mum and Dad will know the internal anguish when Rose and Jack get steamy in the ship. God damn it! I thought this was supposed to be a tragic tale of DEATH? Why must you make love when I am in the same room as my Grandma? Unfortunately, this is something that never goes away: you could be 30 years old and you'd still die inside watching Game Of Thrones with your parents in the room. There are a few options to help in this terribly unfortunate situation: Stay completely silent and still. In fact, don't even breathe. Definitely don't look like you're enjoying it, or are in the slightest way aroused. Pray it's a short scene. Start a conversation about something: "Hey - does the DVD player look grey or blue to you?" Accidentally-on-purpose spill the nachos. Now is the only time it's definitely worth wasting good nachos. "Oh gosh! Look what I've done - don't worry I'll clean them up!" - make your escape and eat the nachos (now complete with carpet-fluff) whilst rocking on your kitchen floor. Change the channel. "Woh I suddenly just remember there was that great programme about extreme fishing on at 9 - does anyone mind if I quickly put it on?"
1. Blocking The Toilet In A Home That's Not Yours
That sudden feeling, as your stomach falls out your backside. You flush your friend's loo, and the water surely gushes to the very top of the bog. Oh my good God, save me. Where's the plunger? Should I just use my hand? Can I escape out the bathroom window? Should I just leave the country now? If you are up that famous old Creek without a plunger: you can take control of the situation by simply strolling out the front door, collecting some appropriately large tree branches, walking back through the living room, saying "blocked your toilet", and locking the bathroom door. Or you could just insult their feeble plumbing and leave. Feel free to share your own excruciating experiences that made you want to crawl into the deepest, darkest place and just, die there.
