10 Reasons Greek Mythology Is Messed Up

As an adult, Zeus returned to carry out his retaliation. He sneaked into Kronos’ house, mixed a vomit-inducing substance with his drink and waited for the fireworks.

Zeus then freed Cyclops from Tartarus. They were so grateful that they forged the three main gods’ weapons and talismans (how hard could it be to craft those things be with a single eye?): a helmet of invisibility for Hades, a trident for Poseidon, and a thunderbolt for Zeus. Relying on them, the brothers toppled, not to say murdered, their father with a three-stage plan: Hades, hidden thanks to his helmet, stole Kronos’ weapons, Poseidon then jeopardized the Titan with his trident and Zeus double tapped him with the lightning.

Some say the Titanomachy, when Kronos' progeny tried to get their revenge, lasted ten years. Other sources claim that the struggle didn’t even commence, owing to the fact that all Titans (save Themis and Prometheus, who allied with the Olympians) rushed out, imbued with sudden fear when Pan shouted so loud that he presented the world with the concept of “panic”.

Their leader, Atlas, was punished for their cowardice with the heavy task of holding up the sky on his shoulders, while the rest ended up in Tartarus. The Titanesses were forgiven (someone wanted a harem). Each jolly new king of the world took a big, cheese-dripping slice of it, dividing the sky, the sea and the underworld.

Oh! And Zeus’ first official act during his reign was the rape of Titaness Metis. But, of course, he immediately devoured her when she got pregnant. The thunder god was no fool.