Batman is probably never going to call Selina Kyle again after that whole luminous urine incident, because he's Batman, and he's been in almost ten films, and she's only been in two (three if you count that awful one nobody should ever count). He doesn't have to take that sort of garbage, and he sure as hell can point a judging finger because he doesn't have anything to hide. Bats can locate prey in the dark; they can fly and generally own the night - basically, it's her loss. Bats are also known for being down with oral sex, and are all about orgies, apparently. Plus Bat penises are even spiked for her pleasure, and when he was done stabbing her with his bat penis-dagger, he was probably going to dabble with Robin too, or Alfred. Everybody would have gotten a go because a third of bat sex is homosexual sex - upside down homosexual sex. Think about that for a moment: somewhere in the world right now, a massive upside down free-for-all bat orgy with lashings of oral sex is taking place. And brushing aside for a minute the idea of Bruce, Alfred, Robin, Catwoman and Commissioner Gordon all snuggling today upside down (if you can,) there's also the fact that some bats enjoy hematophagy, or sucking blood to us non-Dictionary people. And they go for nice juicy hairless areas like the nipples and anus, because frankly being bitten by a bat isn't horrifying enough without the revelation that they want to nibble on your most tender and secretive of special areas. Hopefully on the back of these revelations, some future superhero script has been tossed in the trash after a serious session of fact checking. But then, maybe we'll end up with some hyper-sexed, pun-slinging Koala or Iguana Man characters springing up, as soon as writers discover that both are blessed with two penises. Did you enjoy this article? Share your thoughts below in the comments thread.
Some people have referred to me as the next Jimmy Superfly Snuka. I metal like a mother effer. And I like to write, so maybe one of these days I will be able to write something awesome. Until then, hopefully I can just make some people laugh.
