10 Signs You Have Lived In London For Too Long

1. All Your Mates Back Home Think You've Changed Into Gordon Gekko

Despite the fact that you are living a quality of life somewhere between a wood pigeon and a Dickensian pauper, your friends from back home still have this warped view that because you are surviving in London it somehow means you think you€™re a huge success, lighting £50 notes with other £50 notes and generally behaving like a less shy Wolf of Wall Street. When you visit home you are picked up from the Megabus station in a car (remember driving one of those?) You go back to your old local and are invariably greeted by hilarious salutations along the lines of €œOh here he is Mr High Flyer - get us a drink then city boy€. You then have to listen to people moaning all night about how their idyllic crime free peaceful and wholesome town is boring while you stare grinning like a sallow Norman Bates into a pint that has cost you less than £56, before returning to sleep in one of two gigantic spare rooms in the sprawling six bedroom countryside house of your mate who used to draw on his own teeth in Chemistry. Still, you think as you struggle to rock yourself to sleep without your whole body being convulsed by a 160 ton overground train thundering past your window, at least your bedsit is only a stone's throw from that museum you€™ve still never been to.