10 Strange Things You Never Knew About Christmas

2. Myrrh Is THE Most Inappropriate Gift To Bring To Any Birth

myrrh

It€™s a gift that€™s fallen out of favour in most baby-shower circles and you can€™t help thinking this is for the best. In the past it€™s been as valuable as gold; used as perfume, incense or even for medicinal purposes but, like most interpretations of natural philosophy, its origin is questionable. According to the Roman poet Ovid, Myrrah was once a beautiful maiden and the future mother of the heartthrob Adonis. In her youth she could have had any man she desired but the one man she did desire was her dear ol€™Dad. Knowing the social conventions of the time, she knew she couldn€™t exactly make known the reason why she was spurning all these nice fellers fawning over her. So, after an emo-esque ill-fated suicide attempt, she confided in her nurse who helped her to bed the unknowing father when he was drunk! He went along with it for a while, always in the dark, when curiosity got the better of him and he lit a lamp in order to catch a glimpse of the nocturnal nympho he€™d enjoyed the company of on a regular basis! When he saw he€™d been bedding his own daughter, and presumably after he€™d vomited everywhere, he went at her. Chasing her to the ends of the earth, vowing to kill his incestuous issue on contact. Knowing she wouldn€™t be able to outrun him forever, and that he wasn€™t likely to get tired and let it go, she pleaded with the gods to save her. Miraculously they took pity on her and turned her into a tree. The Myrrh Tree. The sap, brought to Jesus€™ birth, is said to be her congealed tears. Whether you believe the €˜tear€™ story or you have twisted ideas of what the sticky discharge really could be (you€™re sick, you know that?!) bringing any goo of an incestuous nymphomaniac to the birth of your saviour is certainly an interesting gift idea but not one that can be recommended today.
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A. J. S. Scott was created as a homunculus by a mad English Alchemist who was trying to make rum from ink and seawater. He is still a fan of both and he has no comment on what happened to all the ‘No Exit’ signs in Islington Underground Station when he visited for Beltaine. You can send him missives by bribing the Right Raven with sour-strings, or: Instagram: @ajsscott Tumblr: andrew-scott-things.tumblr.com