10 Things Only A Cat Owner Will Understand

Did we say cat owner? Sorry, we meant slave. Our homes are ruled by cats; the Internet is ruled by cats. Sooner or later the whole world will fall victim to the feline gods, that is, if we aren't in a state of kitty control already. Come to think of it, the reason I'm even writing this is because of my cats. But I love them- yes I do, don't I? Sorry that was me talking to my cat again. I mean, master. Cat taken your favourite chair in the room? No problem, you're fine to perch on the floor. Cat meowing randomly? That is definitely the point to start having a full blown conversation with them. No one asks you what you want for your birthday any more: you're now inundated with cat sweaters, cat mugs, cat magnets, cat pyjamas... all so mighty predictable but oh-so-welcome. Look at it's little nose! You don't know it, but your cat has probably infected you with a mind-controlling parasite called Toxoplasma gondii - and as you read this it's affecting the way you think, act and see the world. Toxo, found in kitty litter, plays with our emotions, and can even, terrifyingly, be linked to schizophrenia. Fear not though, pussy lovers, scientists have reassured us that the effects on humans are not gigantic. So rest assured that you're definitely not infected, as you manically scroll through your 243579 photos of your cat on Facebook. Most definitely NOT infected... If you're a cat person, the following 10 points will pretty much be your life. Feel free to share the joy, hilarity and sheer creepiness your own cat possesses in the comments below.

10. Oh, You Need To Poop? Let Me Watch.

There's nothing more discomforting than someone watching you poo. It's good to have a bathroom buddy; but when your cat is violently fixed on your face as you try to move your bowels, it can become pretty damn awkward. What is it about the human litter tray that cats find so fascinating? Are they there for moral support? Or do they just enjoy holding us captive at our most vulnerable - sitting on the bog?

9. Your Christmas Tree Is No More

Look at all the shiny things...I must destroy them! Anyone who had proudly erected a Christmas tree - delicately adorned each branch with carefully selected baubles and Instagram'd a perfectly angled photo of your pride and joy - will know the horror as your cat quashes all your hard work in 0.2 seconds. You come in from work during the festive period to the horror of a missing cat - only to find it has perched directly in the centre of your tree. By the 4th of December, all branches are now mangled, your living room is full of shredded tinsel and Christmas is cancelled. Thanks, cat.