10 Things Not To Do On The Underground

4. Don€™t Try To Squeeze Through Closing Doors If You€™re On The Large Side

On a trip to London, I did actually witness this epic moment of near failure on the part of the larger gentleman who decided he would rather risk trimming a little back fat than wait 2 minutes for the next train. To make the whole incident even more sense-defying, the bloke made his hair-raising embarkation through one of the single doors, which was roughly two inches wider than his hefty frame. He approached at a fair speed for one so portly, passing through the opening as the door began to shut, so close that it grazed his suit jacket. Did he let out a sigh of relief at narrowly avoiding either being wedged in the door or running full pelt into it? Not at all. This veteran of the London underground, who had clearly been involved in similar moments in the past, simply took hold of the handrail and calmly checked his watch before enjoying the high speed ride. For hardened travellers, this may be something of a regular occurrence, but if you are an underground novice take some advice: there will be another train in a couple of minutes.
 
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Anthony Lund is a writer and puppet maker from Durham. He is the author of the Dickens parody, A Christmas Carol Retold, and also works as a Showbiz & Music news writer. His new novel, Grim Reaping, is out at the end of October. More information can be found at his website,