10 Things Not To Do On The Underground

5. Don€™t Surf The Escalator

One of the first things anyone with a mental age lower than their shoe size will notice when heading down into the underground, is that every escalator has a wide, sheer silver partition between the up and down moving stairways that looks very much like a fun fairground slide. While it would a joy to dive face-first down these with a yell of €œCowabunga€, there are two very good reasons why you should never do it. First are the several hard plastic signs announcing €œStay to the right€ that would happily make mush of your face as it pummelled into each one on the way down. Second, if you did manage to avoid these obstacles, your only form of breaking is to pulp your face on the harder tiled wall at the base of the escalator. Best to just stand boringly and sensibly, and save the sliding joy for Alton Towers.
 
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Contributor

Anthony Lund is a writer and puppet maker from Durham. He is the author of the Dickens parody, A Christmas Carol Retold, and also works as a Showbiz & Music news writer. His new novel, Grim Reaping, is out at the end of October. More information can be found at his website,