10 Things Only First Time Fathers Understand

8. New-Born Babies Are As Hard As Nails

Baby Old Man
Pixabay

Contrary to what you've probably read, babies aren't soft, squidgy, cute little monkeys made out of sugar. Their heads are carved from wood and their nails are made from razors. You realise this when they repeatedly head-butt your front teeth out and claw three layers of skin off when they're in a fettle.

It doesn’t just stop there either. At a certain point they start to pick up brightly-coloured, indestructible plastic toys and begin smashing them off the table at lunchtime or launching them at various targets nearby i.e. your head.

There are few thing more dignity-stripping than trying to make your offspring smile by pulling a gormless face then have it volley you right in the teeth with some improvised plastic weapon.

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Chris James Peet says hello. His interests include hoping for the best and sitting in chairs. He much prefers moaning to counting his blessings and suffers fools gladly. He also likes to look out of the window and check what's in the fridge but he hates standing up, dripping taps and reality.