10 Things Only First Time Fathers Understand

7. Going To The Toilet Alone Becomes An Alien Concept

Baby Old Man
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Gone are the days of being able to retreat to the fortress of solitude for some overdue 'me' time. The minute you sit down your offspring will scream. More often than not you'll crap with a small, pink alien accompanying you with a bewildered look on its face.

And there’s nothing more disturbing than that. Having your baby son or daughter sitting gazing at you while you do your business is like being eyeballed by a Mafia hitman prior to him unloading a handgun at your head. It’s ruthlessly uncomfortable but you just accept your fate. This is the way things are going to be now.

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Chris James Peet says hello. His interests include hoping for the best and sitting in chairs. He much prefers moaning to counting his blessings and suffers fools gladly. He also likes to look out of the window and check what's in the fridge but he hates standing up, dripping taps and reality.