10 Types Of Shopper That Deserve A Solid Kick To The Nether-Regions

9. The Publicly-Duelling Couple

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBdcKTRpoXI Boyfriend: "If you try to buy another Cuba Gooding Junior movie so help me Cheryl I will break my leg on your head!" Girlfriend: "Oh wonderful Daniel, so now you have a problem with perfect complexions and powerhouse acting?! Great. Just GREAT! YOU ACT LIKE YOU NEVER EVEN WATCHED SNOW DOGS!" That is an actual dialogue that I actually heard in an actual store where I actually went. It is an age old mystery as to why The Duelling Couple feels the urge to verbally joust in public. Some attribute the disorder to a malfunction in the liver, others say it is the product of an advanced stage of the disease known as "douchephoma". Whatever the cause, the echoes of the couple can scar a shopping experience just as easily as it can the psyche. Unfortunately, any couple walking through a store could be a potential threat. Picture yourself building an asparagus fort in the produce section. You're installing the palisades for the Aparagi villagers. Oh gosh what's that!? Your eyes turn to the couple that appeared so happy just a moment ago then BOOM. Suddenly they are exchanging blow-for-blow with shampoo bottles whilst screaming about which brand will truly leave them "tangle free." You must leave the store. There is no better way to avoid the psychological damage of listening to their kerfuffle. No one should try and be a hero in regards to this danger. What's more important? Retrieving Tyler Perry's: Madea Sucker Punches Santa or your life? Do not make your children grow up without you because you love Tyler Perry. He's probably the best filmmaker in the world, but even he isn't worth it.