3. 'I've Got A Good Joke You Can Use. Want To Hear It?'
The 'I've got a good joke you can use-' opener is never followed by anything of any credit. Inside you're wincing but aloud you're doing your best fake laugh to make the other person feel good because a) you're a nice person b) this may be a potential fan and at the moment you can't afford to upset anyone. Besides, if a joke of any kind of decent comedy value was to follow this sentence then this person would be pushed off the edge of the nearest bridge and you've got yourself a brand, new joke to use at your own disposal.
2. 'Can You Get Me Tickets For This Gig I Want To See?'
No, I can't get you free tickets because I'm not that close to promoters. If I were I wouldn't still be doing middle spots for free. When I can finally cash in on this comedy dream then so can you but right now you'll have to let me scrape my way from rock bottom before any benefits are even at all possible.
