12 Thoughts Every Girl Has When She Goes Down On A Guy

Why is my mouth making annoying slurping noises right now and does he mind?

It doesn't matter if you consider yourself a girl who likes giving head: we've all had moments when we've made our way down there, pulled his underwear off, and thought: 'I immediately regret this decision'. It doesn't make you a bad person, nor a terrible lover. It just means that sometimes, going down on a guy in a successful way takes a lot more effort for you than it does for him. There are so many decisions to make when you give a man oral. Like: should you kneel between his legs, or lie on your side, OR have him hump your face from on top of you? Or: Do you try and breath through your nose the whole time, or do you subtly attempt to inhale oxygen into your mouth around him? Or even: do you attempt to lick his balls at the same time, or play with them with your hands even though they feel super weird like jellyfish, or do you ignore then altogether? CHRIST. It is so hard being a girl. Don't get us wrong men, we know you've got a hell of a lot of decisions to make when it comes to doing it vice versa. Navigating a girl's vagina must be so confusing and frustrating. But seriously; next time a girl pauses while she's going down on because she accidentally just inhaled your junk though her nostrils and needs to take a little breather, give her a break. Really she's doing a great job; she just has to get over a few obstacles before she can make you magically explode every where.
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I love Stephen King and music festivals; I eat my toast upside down; I daydream about getting married probably a bit too much; and I wish every day for a pet sausage dog puppy (who never materialises – sob).