Childbirth is a beautiful, if sticky and horrible thing. It's the bringing of new life into the world and if you raise a child who doesn't become a mass-murdering clown who punches kittens, you've done yourself proud, so well done. But the key thing to remember is that the rest of the world doesn't need to be updated constantly with the everyday happenings of your spawn. Thanks to the invention of the baby progress app, Facebook users who are friends with pregnant people can be kept up to speed on the age of the foetus currently residing within their friend. Then when child is born, you'll be greeted by six hundred identical pictures of a tiny Michelin Man. This will continue every single day for the next two years, as the mother makes sure that everyone that she has ever known is fully aware of the weight of her child. That child may be cute, they may be intelligent, they may be able to speak Norwegian, but please, the dwindling community of still sane Facebook users implores you: we don't need to know every last detail, every single day of our browsing lives. Does anyone else irritate the living soul out of you on Facebook? Let us know in the comments below.
