13 Things You Should Never Say To A Stephen King Fan

5. 'Roland Of Gilead Is Such An Arse'

Even though it's something every Stephen King fan has considered at least, oh, about 100 times during the mammoth series of The Dark Tower, we all know where our true loyalties lie. Roland of Gilead is a sensitive soul, brave, courageous and only out for the greater good of the land. He saves and changes the lives of New Yorker€™s Susannah and Eddie, practically adopts a cute kid called Jake and his talking dog-creature Oy, and sets off on a quest that should make any adventurer proud. Well, he has some selfish intentions too (we won€™t mention when he lets Jake fall to his death), but don't we all? Nobody's perfect, ok? You leave Roland alone.
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I love Stephen King and music festivals; I eat my toast upside down; I daydream about getting married probably a bit too much; and I wish every day for a pet sausage dog puppy (who never materialises – sob).