24 Perfectly Witty Retorts For Everyday Situations

21. Flat Chest

The Situation: A young girl has had the misfortune to be on the receiving end of a crack about the size of her chest with a highly imaginative comment like 'Why do you even wear a bra? You have nothing to put in it.' The Comeback (to a man): ''I could ask you the same thing. You wear pants don't you?'' The Comeback (to a woman): ''At least I don't need scaffolding to keep mine up.''

20. Dumb Dumb

The Situation: It is unfortunate that being called stupid or dumb at some point in your life is as inevitable the Daily Mail writing a negative story about immigration. When it happens, calmly retort the below. Check and mate. The Comeback: ''I refuse to engage in a battle of wits...with someone who is clearly unarmed.''

19. The Pervert

The Situation: A girl is walking down the street and she can feel eyes on her. She looks over and sees a sleazy man staring, giving her the once over with a vom-inducing lick of the lips. The Comeback: ''Are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.'' Alternative Comeback: ''The zoo called. You're due back by six.''

18. Macho Dad

The Situation: That father who has had nothing but male children, talking to his friend who has had nothing but little girls. 'Four kids and no boys? If you want a son let me know, I'll sort your missus out...'' The Comeback: ''All boys? I guess the lord looked down at your house and saw a home that needed a man...''

17. R.O.A.P. (Rude Old Age Pensioners)

The Situation: An older gentleman or lady patronising you because of your age either at home, in work or on the street. Feel free to add 'Grandpa' after the below comeback. Boom. The Comeback: 'When you were young rainbows were in black in white.'' Alternative (Much Harsher) Comeback: ''If old age is a disease then euthanasia would be the cure.''

16. The Lech

The Situation: A charmless man is chatting up a girl, not paying attention to the fact that she's clearly not interested. He hits her with something like ''Hey sexy, fancy coming back to mine for pizza and a shag? No? What's the matter, you don't like pizza?'' The Comeback: ''I heard that you were a real lady-killer...they take one look at you and die.'' Alternative Comeback: ''I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm you were the fastest.''