24 Perfectly Witty Retorts For Everyday Situations
15. Anyone Wearing A Helmet
The Situation: Got involved in a war of words with a someone on a motorcycle? A rock climber perhaps? Well never fear. Below is the only reply you'll ever need for anyone wearing a helmet. The Comeback: ''I remember the first time I was shot out of a cannon...try not to land on your head.''
14. Accusations of Slutishness
The Situation: A jealous woman or rejected man has taken umbrage with a girl and hits back with the painfully predictable 'You're a whore/slut/something equally unimaginative'. The Comeback (to a woman): ''I know, I work the same corner as you'' The Comeback (to a man): You're right, I can't get enough but I still wouldn't sleep with you...I have an aversion to small d*cks and bad breath.''
13. The Chav
The Situation: There you are, simply trying to enter the local newsagents, but you have to put up with abuse from a bunch of under fifteens dressed in tracksuits with probation tags on their ankles and a pitbull terrier on a leash. The Comeback: ''I could have been your dad...but the dog beat me over the fence''
12. Mother-In-law
The Situation: Historically there is only one thing that is as destructive as a Mother-In-Law and that's a biblical plague. Always interfering, always passive aggressive, nothing you do will ever be good enough for her. The Comeback: ''I've booked you on a trip Mrs Smith...to Dignitas in Switzerland.''
11. Revolting Youth
The Situation: You may be a little bit older than others but some smart mouthed little punk always has to remind you of it. Enough is enough. Shut him down with the below retort. The Comeback: ''Nice attempt at facial hair. When puberty kicks in that thing will look great...''
10. Bad Cooking
The Situation: You spend hours slaving over a hot stove and what do you get? Gratitude? A thank you? No. You get negative remarks and b*tching (so what if you mistook salt for sugar? These things happen...). The Comeback: ''Trust me. You do not want to know what the 'special sauce' is.''
