The Situation: Something can happen when you become a parent (and not just the general feeling of nausea and panic). It involves an emptiness that can only be filled with critique and judgement of their crotch fruit. The average conversation could start with 'the trouble with you is that you're .' The Comeback: ''That sounds reasonable...it must be time to up my medication.'' The Mature Comeback: ''...and the trouble with you is you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.''
2. The Frenemy
The Situation: There is nothing more annoying than a so-called friend making passive aggressive remarks like 'You ok? You look tired' or backhanded compliments like 'You look good in that dress, have you lost weight?'. Next time a frenemy approaches break out the below retort. The Comeback: ''If you are going to be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.''
1. Big Girl
The Situation: The world is full of people without imagination, brains and a conscience. These people tend to think it's okay to criticise women about their weight. Because they're idiots they will rarely come up with something more imaginative than 'Oi fatty' or the standard street-rat cry of 'You're fat!'. In the event your path crosses with one of these walking, talking adverts for the benefits of abortion, we have taken the liberty of coming up with an assortment of retorts that should send them skulking back to the rocks they live under. The Basic Comeback: ''...and you're ugly. The difference? I can diet.'' The 'I'm Proud' Comeback: ''So? Skinny girls are for wimps.'' The 'Own it' Comeback: ''Thanks...you going to eat that?'' Have you ever managed to come up with the perfect zinger, at the time or afterwards? Share it below!
