This mom has a million things on her mind, she doesn't have time to monitor her children while they're in your store. Are you kidding? That's your job, peasant. Meanwhile, while Mom blisses out shopping, her children run amok creating the kind of messes that will take you the rest of the night to clean up. We're talking Cheerios on the floor, sticky hands on the merchandise, the whole nine yards. She'll probably then complain loudly that your store doesn't have a bathroom for her precious little Neveah, who has been sucking down a Coke/spilling it on the floor the whole time.
15. The Phantom Caller
You haven't ever actually met this person but you hate them a little bit already. They call up wanting to know a specific detail about a product, but because you're, you know, running a store, you have to put them on hold. You take care of the people in line, get the information for the person, and get back on the line with them. But they are very displeased that you made them wait. "How dare you? I am a doctor, my time is valuable!" (Sadly, that is a direct quote.)
14. The Sneeringly Pretentious One
This person is incredibly proud of the fact that they don't work retail, and considers everyone who does uneducated, untouchable serfs. They think they don't need to clean up after themselves because after all, that's what you're paid to do, and if you didn't want to do that, you should have gone to college. You consider telling them that you actually do have a college degree, it's just that you're really attached to food and shelter and it turns out you need money for those things.
13. The One Who Is Positive You Have More In The Back
You don't. You know this because you've been going into the back room several times over the past few hours, under the guise of checking stock, but really just taking a moment to collect yourself so that you avoid breaking something expensive in a fit of rage. So yes, you have the back room's stock memorized. Unless they're looking for a bathroom with several health code violations or a broken mop, whatever this person wants is most definitely not back there.
Audrey Fox is an ex-film student, which means that she prefers to spend her days in the dark, watching movies and pondering the director's use of diegetic sound. She currently works as an entertainment writer, joyfully rambling about all things film and television related. Add her on Twitter at @audonamission and check out her film blog at 1001moviesandbeyond.com.