3. Sunscreen Is A Way Of Life
LionsgateBless the people who figured out that a certain combination of chemicals mixed into a goo would effectively repel the rays of the big fireball in the sky. Because of those people, pale folks around the world aren't forced to live sad, sunburnt lives. Instead, they get to smear their choice of cream over any and all exposed skin every single day. And while that sounds - and let's be real, is - highly unpleasant, it's much better than the alternative. No matter how icky it is to be covered in a greasy film of ointment at all times, it's infinitely better than being covered in a peeling, smarting layer of scorched skin. All hail SPF 100!
2. Sunburn Doesn't Turn Into Tan, Just More Pale
Universal PicturesGetting a sunburn is never a pleasant experience, and there is certainly nothing positive about sunburn itself. Nevertheless, most people get the slight perk of knowing that the painful crimson burn will soon fade to a lovely, radiant tan - unless you're naturally pale, of course. If you're pale, there is no pot of gold at the end of the sunburn rainbow. For one, you'll burn worse than anyone else: it will be more painful, a brighter red, and will probably be extra-disgusting and peel off in chunks. Secondly, there is no tan under that layer of misery. No, once the burn has healed and the peeling is over, your skin will be just as pasty as ever. Life just isn't fair.
1. You Can't Wait Until "Pale Is The New Tan"
Warner Bros. PicturesThese days, glowing, golden skin is at the top of pretty much every beauty standard list in the western world - which leaves pale people out in the cold. But as the years come and go, fashions change. Sooner or later, the Wheel of Fortune will turn back into the favour of the melanin-challenged. Tan will go out the door and pale will be welcomed with open arms. So, until that fateful day, pale people will have to begrudgingly smear on their sun cream and mismatched makeup, don their massive hats, take their seats in the shade, stay away from camera flashes - sorry, paparazzi - and bide their time. Fear not: our day will come, and when it does, The Pales will rule the world.
Any more that we've missed you'd like to throw in? Let us know in the comments!