Okay, so celebrities with drug problems are nothing new, and Charlie Sheen acting out in public and assaulting the women unfortunate enough to have married him while hepped up on goofballs was old hat in the nineties. That is, until the beginning of 2011, when Sheen took acting out in public to a whole new, game changing level. The man was a quote machine, on fire, tumbling merrily off a cliff and smashing into every big rock on the way down. Pro wrestlers cutting pipebomb-style promos dont hit buttons as hard as this: shortly before being kicked off the show, he famously described Two And A Half Men head honcho Chuck Lorre as an earthworm and speculated on what would occur if Lorre were confronted with his fire breathing fists. He also blithely admitted to doing seven-gram rocks of crack because thats how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: go and claimed that his lifestyle made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children." Hes calmed down since, although only really in public. All of his relationships in the last few years appear to have been with porn stars, and scuttlebutt (like gossip well, on crack) says that he has few if any of his original teeth left. Hes not shot anyone in a while though, which is nice, and if his blowing of his own trumpet is any indication, he may be up there with Shane MacGowan and cockroaches in the indestructibility stakes: "I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.
