20 Problems You'll Only Encounter On The Tyne & Wear Metro

8. Friday Night

A nightmare scenario is needing to use the metro on Friday night if you're not actually going out. Then you'll be forced to endure the drunken revelry of every North Eastern stereotype you didn't want to believe was true. Are those women actually impervious to the cold? Are those two men arguing or agreeing? But you know that there's one much, much worse time to get the metro than a Friday night, and that's...

7. Derby Day

Unless you're going to the match yourself, it's worth doing a bit of research to find out when Sunderland and Newcastle are playing this season, and marking those days with the word "LOCKDOWN". On the other hand, if you enjoy hearing an impressive array of songs about hating Steven Taylor, or are interested in learning precisely how many Mackems have ever been to Milan, climb aboard the metro. Otherwise it's best to just stick the kettle on.