20 Signs You Love Food More Than People

You think about it first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

No, it's not your lover - we're talking about food. Whenever you're asked what you're thinking, 99% of the time it's what you're going to eat later. It's a big deal, is food: our lives a constant battle between a love of eating and not wanting to be fat, to the point we find ourselves in highly emotional states if anything comes between us and our meal... and it's usually other people.

It's people who put raisins that look like chocolate chips into cookies and give us severe trust issues; it's people you go on dates with only to find out they don't like pizza; and it's people who sell diet manuals on how not to eat. What kind of sick enterprise is that?

Our lives aren't governed by rules (especially not the 5 second rule), so we make our own choices. We tell friends we're going to bootcamp classes to get in shape, meet new people and look good; when really we're just trying to make some kind of sufficient calorie deficit as an excuse to eat more food. Everybody eats - but some of us have a much deeper, spiritual and intense love of food... and yes, it's probably more than people.

20. You Go To Weddings, Just For The Buffet

What is a wedding without food? Even if you aren't particularly fond of the happy couple in question, you'll still attend if there's vol-au-vents and triangular sandwiches on offer. Our only regret is that we only have one stomach to fill.

19. You Eat The Most Pungent Meals On Public Transport

Who cares if the person next to you has to deal with the smell of that KFC on their highly peckish commute home? We're god damn hungry. And if we want to crack open that tinned mackerel on the train, we're going to do so with not one rat's behind about being judged.

18. This Is Your First Thought Whenever You Go Somewhere

The thought of going several hours with no form of sustenance is a daunting affair. Screw your cups of tea and complementary drinks, where's the grub?