14. Talk Normally When Speaking On The Phone
Columbia PicturesAs if everyday conversations weren't hard enough to maintain without tailing off into awkward non-sequiturs, phone-based chatter opens up a whole new can of worms when it comes to humiliating oneself. Body language completely evaporates, enthusiastic responses sound much more forced, and time's arduous passage becomes particularly discernible as you attempt to get through the discussion at hand. Not only are we terrible at lying when it comes to spam calls (resulting in being stuck on the phone to company spokespeople for hours at a time), but we become incredibly conscious of just how disgustingly colloquial our personal speaking voices are. What then ensues is a discussion beset with squirming, wincing, and strangled vocal patterns, which gets only worse as the minutes tick by. This is especially funny to observe when the talker in question is from an area with a particularly distinctive accent. If a Liverpudlian fellow picks up the phone and hears his mother on the other end of the line, the difference between the timid "hello?" and the following "OH 'IYA, MUM, Y'ALRIGHT?" is wonderful to behold.
13. Leave / Finish Conversations At The Right Time
DCOne common issue among Brits is that we're generally too polite to admit when we're not enjoying idle chat with others. Rather than interject during a riveting discussion about car engines, we'd much rather stick it out with the requisite nods, affirmative gestures, and eyebrow movements in order to save face while, internally, our brains slowly shrivel up with screaming boredom. It also works the other way. When a conversation has clearly dried up or reached a lull, we never take the initiative to move on until enough seconds have passed that it just seems awkward. We just end up sitting there like a lemon, before eventually stumbling away, muttering a timid farewell and a meaningless pledge about where we're heading.