The east end of London looks nothing like Eastenders at all, although it might be a pretty good snapshot of how it looked about twenty years ago. Instead for some reason it seems insistent on keeping the racial demographic the same and bizarrely obsessed with gangster-type thugs. Instead what needs to happen is that a horde of hipsters need to decide that Walford is the last in neighbourhood and move in. Overnight itll be changed with street food dominating the market, independent coffee chains (i.e. ones that are secretly owned by Tesco) open everywhere and suddenly everyone is wearing the same stupid outfit while claiming to be either original or ironic. Instead theres Ian Beal still worried about his chip shop and concerns over who is the landlord of the Queen Vic.
8. Snow = The Apocalypse
London is used to rain. Sun, not so much. But snow? Snow is the end of the world as far as London is concerned. In order to get a good view of London on a snowy day, watch Jake Gyllenhaal in The Day After Tomorrow. Suddenly the city is deserted as the public transport systems grind to a halt - not only do the tube trains not run (including bizarrely those lines which are totally underground) but buses start throwing passengers off because health and safety rules won't let them drive full of passengers in "dangerous" conditions. So instead, Londoners have to trudge everywhere on foot in zombie-like fashion while wrapped up in as many layers of clothing they can physically carry. Even hipsters drag out their quite uncool ski jackets in order not to freeze to death while trying to fetch half a pint of milk from the local corner shop as they "work" from home. Other countries and cities get four times as much snow and everything still runs - but just a single inch of it nearly kills London.
7. Celeb Spotting
For the most part in London, celebrities can wander around freely without anyone noticing them. In fact, if they start donning the big sunglasses and the daft hat then it actually means that more people are likely to look at them. Youd be surprised just how many celebs use the underground because one of the key points of London is that no one looks at anyone else so they really can wander around unnoticed. This does go a bit far sometimes with Jay Z and Chris Martin travelling to concerts on the tube and a rather drunk Kim Wilde wearing a pair of reindeer antlers wandering up and down a carriage singing. But these sorts of occurrences do allow Londoners to play a rather enjoyable game by reciting the celebs theyve spotted around time in an attempt to outdo each other.
