There are many famous Scottish Kens...Ken Bruce, Ken(ny) Dalgleish, Ken Stott...there was even a rugby player called Ken Scotland, which officially makes him ultra Scottish. But the most famous of all kens is ken, as in, "Ken that guy there? He's a nobber, ken?". Should this be a comment thrown in your direction whilst in the pub, you might need help teasing out the complicated threads of meaning. We'll help you on this occasion. Translated, this would be "You know that fellow, perched lazily upon the barstool yonder? He is an unfathomable irritant, don't you agree old fellow?" A wonderful, multifaceted word and no mistake. And also a sign that perhaps you should drink up...
18. Salt And Sauce
This is an Edinburgh thing, but its important you know about it, so you don't look like a gibbering buffoon when you want your poke (bag) of chips. You won't get asked if you want salt and vinegar on your chips in the Capital - "salt and sauce" is the condiment de rigeur, the sauce being a black magic combination of vinegar and brown sauce. Scots in Edinburgh like to laugh at the confused faces of Americans at this point as they struggle to fit in. The sauce is a tangy, fruity, nippy, sweet and sour combination, which probably helps the cholesterol batter its way into your blood system.
17. Ludicrous Place Names
Set aside the bizarre Gaelic placenames that only a few people actually care about. We like to put letters in a recognisable order, only to then pronounce it in completely different way. For example, "Milngavie" is not said as you would expect, "Miln-gavy" but rather is "Mul-guy". Same for Balluchullish, where to pronounce it "Ball-uchu-lish" will get you shot in the nearest slate quarry. Try "Bala-hoolish" instead. It is suspected by some that these place names have been deliberately set up by the Scottish Government to identify interlopers into Scottish culture, and that wrong pronunciation is dealt with harshly and swiftly by the bouncing gut of Alex Salmond himself.
16. Shereen Nanjiani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jgduuv1wBw4 The name of this delightful and well respected news and current affairs presenter has, alas, joined Pete Tong in becoming rhyming slang, although it is unfortunate what it rhymes with. It's first use is long lost to the mysteries of time, but we imagine it was a ten year old boy who quickly became a legend in his playground. WhatCulture is a family website, so we aren't able to fully describe the meaning, although we guess that anyone on the internet will see one after around five minutes of surfing. This video, for example, is a girl feeling pain in her Shereen Nanjiani after a football incident.
The pressure is on, isn't it, to write something meaningful and/or funny in these bio bits. Well, let me think about that. I could probably quote from my favourite film, or book. Or lyric.
Instead I shall quote from my hero, Sam Beckett.
"Oh boy".
