When one is sent to break open the back door of a house for ventilation, it's kind of the best directive ever. Breaking things, as previously noted, is fun. When that house is one of a connected row of identical townhouses, however, you'd be well advised to be sure you've counted accurately exactly which back door you've been sent to break. Because when the neighbours come home to find you've broken down their door by mistake you're going to have an awkward conversation on your hands.
11. The Dreaded Rekindle
To have your house burn down once in a day might be considered bad fortune. To have it do so twice... reflects really badly on the fire department that claimed to have put it out the first time. There is no call that a firefighter hates hearing more than a call to a house whose fire they thought they'd put out a few hours earlier. Because the moment they hear that call they know that all the other fire departments in the area are also hearing that call. And that makes things personal.
10. No, It's Not Your House Right Now
No firefighter is unsympathetic to a homeowner who is powerlessly watching their home burn down. Everybody gets that. So a certain amount of leeway is allowed to excuse bad behaviour on the fire scene. However, if you're going to push things and make endless demands about where you should be allowed while the fire crew are doing their job, then you are rapidly going to be confronted with a hard truth. While your house is an active fire scene, it is not your house. It is their fire scene. In order to do their job safely and effectively, you have no rights to go anywhere near it. Sorry, but that's the way it is, because that way everyone has the best chance of saving as much of your house as possible and going home safely. You are only going to be in the way.
9. There's A Limit To 'Loose Fitting'
Turnout gear, also known as Bunker Gear, refers to the bulky coat and pants that the public identifies as 'what Firefighters where'. Yellow (or black), lots of reflective stripes, looks a bit like the Staypuft Marshmallow Man. What's less commonly known is that what those Firefighters are wearing underneath that gear can vary wildly. Particularly on a volunteer department. When a call goes out you head out the door, regardless of what you happen to be wearing at that moment. So, assuming that one sleeps in loose workout shorts and a t-shirt, that's what is underneath your turnout gear. There is nothing quite like the moment when you realise that the loose waistband on your workout shorts has given out completely and the aforementioned shorts are around your ankles, leaving nothing between your bunker pants and what God gave you. True story.
8. You Just Go Into TV Shows Knowing That You're Never Going To Know Whodunnit
It's a foregone conclusion, should you fall into the trap of getting involved in a murder mystery TV show, that you are going to get paged to something immediately before they tell you who did it. It's an inevitable truth. And since firehouses almost never have DVRs, you're just never going to find out. Accept that, pick whichever character would be the most amusing to have been the killer and just assume that they turned out to have done it. That's the most you can hope for.
7. It's Crucial To Ask For The Check At The Same Time As You Place Your Meal Order
Before it's actually in your belly, any food that finds its way in front of you is purely theoretical. This is why it's absolutely vital to always pay for the meal before it's arrived. Otherwise you're going to be shamefacedly returning hours later with a credit card and an abject apology. You'll be out the money and still not have gotten dinner. Just accept that you're going to be paying for meals without eating them about a fifth of the time.
Mikey is, in no particular order, a freelance writer, improvisational comedian, volunteer firefighter, playwright, Bon Vivant, and Jane Espenson enthusiast.
Born in the small mining town of Eden Prairie, MN, he has some 40 years later successfully moved about 20 miles north of there to the City of Brooklyn Center, MN where he lives with an unreasonable number of dogs.
If you'd like to hear him discuss something other than Doctor Who while pretending to be a dog, check out www.the42ndvizsla.blogspot.com or follow him on twitter at @the42ndVizlsa
When one is sent to break open the back door of a house for ventilation, it's kind of the best directive ever. Breaking things, as previously noted, is fun. When that house is one of a connected row of identical townhouses, however, you'd be well advised to be sure you've counted accurately exactly which back door you've been sent to break. Because when the neighbours come home to find you've broken down their door by mistake you're going to have an awkward conversation on your hands. 
