7. Volunteering To Do ANYTHING, As Long As It Gets You Off The Bar
Vomit on the dancefloor? Not a problem. It's quite easy to drag each task out to it's maximum time limit: filling up the ice bucket with one minuscule scoop at a time so you can hang out in the back rather than face the herds of slurring beer-gremlins. You don't even mind volunteering to stand outside and throw leaflets at drunk people. Which, we think, they call 'promotion' nowadays.
6. When A Drunk Customer Asks For Your Number
"I'll have two vodka and cokes, and your number". Could you NOT? 9 times out of 10 they're drooling, glaze-eyed messes that seem to have lost all function in their knees. No matter how polite you are, they'll continue staring at you in a "Heeeeere's Johnny" style manner for the rest of the night. Avoid eye contact at all costs.
5. Spending A Bit Longer Than Necessary On The Toilet, Just For A Sit Down
Even if the customer in the next cubicle is spilling their guts, shouting Ralph down the toilet bowl, the few minutes of peace in the club loos is blissful euphoria compared to the seventh realm of Hell going on round the bar outside. Just don't check your Facebook, as you can guarantee all your mates will currently be getting tagged partying or getting cosying up at home with a pizza. We warned you.
4. The Drinkers Taking Public Displays Of Affection To A Gross Out Level
You know the pair. Like mother bird feeding her chicks, you can't quite work out whether they're being affectionate, or attempting minor surgery on each other's oesophagus. They're usually straddled over the barstool towards the end of the night and are practically having sex on the drip tray.
3. Starting To Lose All Sense Of Time
You get home from work. It's starting to get light. You've felt like you've been repeatedly shot with paintballs and been on the verge of napping on the drip tray all night, but now, suddenly, you're wide awake. It's a miracle. There's nothing else for it. TV. Only, the only programmes on at this time are teleshopping. Amazing! WOW! But wait! There's more! In your post work deliriousness, you find yourself unwillingly lured into buying a set of "revolutionary" kitchen towels and a steam cleaner from QVC. Go to bed, man.
