It's true that the production and sale of absinthe is highly regulated now that it's no longer banned across the western world, but the allegedly far more potent devil's brew that existed in the times before regulation came in is, tragically, a myth. Recent testing on vintage bottles has confirmed that the thujone levels in old school absinthe weren't any higher than they are today, and certainly not high enough to cause you to have a hallucinogenic experience. All those writers, artists, poets, polemicists and professional piss-artists that claimed to have seen God, the Devil or some sexually omnivorous combination of the two were just very (very) drunk: the 'green fairy' may be mythological, but the potency of the spirit itself is a matter of chemical fact.
24. Really Good Tequila Has A Worm In The Bottle
No, no and no. First of all, you're thinking of mescal, a close relative to tequila. There's never any worm in Mexican tequila - American bottlers of tequila have tried to cash in on this urban myth, and added their own worm to bottles, but it's by no means an indication of quality - quite the reverse. Secondly, even with mescal it's only ever been a marketing gimmick, created in the 1950s by a Mexican entrepreneur with a flair for the grotesque. While we're on the subject, mescal doesn't have mescaline in it, and it can't make you hallucinate any more than absinthe can. Isn't simply getting pisky enough for you people?!
23. I Can't Drink Gin - It Makes Me Sad
There is no scientific evidence whatsoever that the type of alcohol you drink can have a specific effect on your mood. Chances are it's the other way around, though - maybe you've been in the process of developing a seriously mean temper and have felt the need for half a bottle of whisky, or you've felt low after a rough day and gravitated towards the vodka, and you've associated the two as a consequence. This, of course, is why anecdotal evidence isn't actually evidence.
22. Jagerbombs Get You Wasted Faster
Combining energy drinks with booze doesn't get you any drunker than the booze would on its own, and it certainly doesn't get you drunk faster. Caffeine is a stimulant, so it perks you up, making you feel a little less drunk than you actually are - so of course, being a horrible old lush, you tip 'em back harder and faster to compensate. Probably with another jagerbomb, the very definition of a downward spiral... and so your dance towards the gutter continues.
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.
