Casual observers of the world of football may glimpse Jose Mourinho in a watch advert or in the gossip pages and think, "Who is this smooth-talking silver fox? He seems cool, calm, sophisticated and confident like a Portuguese James Bond". These people would be wrong. Very, very wrong.
Since bursting into public consciousness as Porto's overachieving young manager, Jose has just as often baffled and bemused football fans as he has impressed them.
Mourinho's place in the management Hall of Fame is assured, having notched up countless domestic trophies as well as two UEFA Cup/Europa League wins and two Champions League victories. Despite his successes, Mourinho's victories have often come at a price for neutral fans with controlling, defensive tactics regularly leaving neutrals bored to tears.
As a football personality, they can have no such complaints - Mourinho is mad. Not in a "Ooh - look at me, I've got one of the training cones on my head" way that managers are mad, in a proper "I will do a press conference about bird-flu then attack Tito Vilanova" way.
The man is genuinely psychotic. Then brilliant. Then psychotic again.
10. Hello Goodbye
You know that last day of school before you break up? All the work's been done, everyone's thinking about the holidays and the whole class, teacher included, keeps checking the clock every thirty seconds to see if it's home-time yet? That's kind of what happened on the last day of the 2016-2017 season.
Manchester United had beaten Crystal Palace 2-0 that day, with Mourinho fielding the Red Devils' youngest-ever Premier League side. It had been a disappointing season in many ways as they had failed to qualify for the Champions League final, taking only the Community Shield and League cup as their significant victories thus far.
Despite this, the players went for a lap of honour around the pitch upon the conclusion of the game. Mourinho saw his chance. With most of the journalists still watching the pitch, he walked into the post-match press conference with only four scribes in the room, none of whom looked ready.
"Any questions?" asked Mourinho's press officer.
None were immediately forthcoming.
"Goodbye, guys" said Mourinho and promptly left the room.
He was in and out of his chair in about five seconds, leaving the rest of the press pack to turn up later, notepads at the ready, only to be told they'd missed their chance with the madman in one of the most important press conferences of the football season.