10 Reasons Luis Figo Is The Wrong Man For FIFA

5. Barcelona Fans Will Have Nowhere To Aim Their Pig Heads

If Figo takes charge of FIFA, this means he won't have the time to manage a team. If he's not managing a team, there's no way he can be in the opposing dugout at the Nou Camp. If there's no way he can be in the dugout, then a lot of pigs will have separated from their heads in vein. For those of you who haven't heard the story, presumably because you're sitting in school as you read this, Figo moved from Barcelona to Real Madrid for a staggering £37 million, a world record fee at the time. For some odd reason, Barcelona fans didn't like watching their beloved hero play against them for their biggest rivals. When Figo and his new crew rolled into the Nou Camp, tensions flared and a severed pig's head was launched in his direction. Some may call it a waste of bacon, it was a signal of intent. Figo as president would result in an unnecessary cull of pigs, with only the finest shot-put contenders being able to reach him in the lavish directors' box.