11 Things That Only Amateur Footballers Will Understand

4. Low-Level Thuggery

Though pleasant to idealise grassroots football as an expansive pool of untapped potential, it's more realistic to view it as a place where working guys go and vent a week's pent-up anger. More often than not a team will house a couple of thugs, determined to stand on your toes, elbow you in the temple and fly into tackles at knee height. Younger players are often unfairly targeted by balding, would-be hard men and it is the duty of their team-mates to protect them. It can be incredibly tribal on the pitch and can turn nasty very quickly. While on-pitch 'banter' is more often than not laughed off, there are times when some bulky Neanderthal would rather have it out with you in a field on a wet Sunday lunchtime. On the contrary, amateur football is a great time for a bit of male bonding, there's truly nothing quite like it.