11 Things That Only Amateur Footballers Will Understand

5. Football Clichés

Any amateur football manager worth his salt will be a bottomless barrel of highly amusing, educational or useless clichés. In light of the manager's lack of tactical nous, man-management becomes even more important. The captain is also expected to excel in the art of timely cliché dropping, like when walking out for the second half at 3-0 down, but letting the guys know 'It's still 0-0', giving the team a fighting chance. The manager's main job is letting the side know 'it's a game of two halves' if the chaps look despondent or disinterested following an unsuccessful first 45. He might even note that 'we've been the better side', despite conceding four goals and managing only 20% possession. The captain, on the other hand, has the ability to dictate the team's playing style on the fly, reverting endlessly between 'get it in the mixer!' and 'keep it on the deck', unwittingly throwing off both his opponents and own team-mates. Finally, standard players are like Chess pawns, and they all bare the right to shout simpler one-liners such as 'winners!' for every aerial challenge and 'time!' every time a team-mate gets on the ball. It's also possible to encourage the movement of your team-mate with the ball at his feet, simply by suggesting he 'travel'.