The Premier League is a bit chaotic right now. Last year's champs Chelsea are flirting with the relegation zone, Palace are having a surprising little hot streak, Liverpool have replaced their manager, Tottenham can't decide if they're good or not, and did we mention already how much Chelsea suck right now? But though down is up and up is down and Chelsea are losing a lot (can't say it enough), some football truths remain. One such truth is that, through the sweat and grime and terrible haircuts, some players will be really hot. Like, crazy hot. And though many of the famously fit players are sadly out of the league (please see the photo above), there are still more than enough to get us through- though some teams are more equal(ly sexy) than others. Here is the definitive league table for the 2015-2016 season ranked according to attractiveness.
Team Performance: No fewer than 8 Norwich players have the exact same haircut. And it's not even a good haircut. The team was only promoted back into the Premier League at the start of this season so it's possible they've had other things on their mind than the hair of their players but if they stick around for 2016-2017 it might be worth switching up their collective stylist. Best Individual Performance: You may have noticed that the man in this picture is wearing not wearing a Norwich kit. The current state of the team is such that their fittest player is Matt Jarvis, currently on loan from West Ham. Dark days.
Brydie is an Australian writer and performer living in London and she complains exactly the same amount about the weather as every other Australian living in London. Yes, that is her natural lip colour, no, she will not be taking any further questions at this time.